Grace

In the past few years the church has been teaching a lot about Grace. I often wonder as I sat through classes regarding this subject why it doesn’t faze me like it usually does the other people in the class. I think part of it is the church I grew up in wasn’t entirely legalistic. I think I always knew from a fairly young age that while it was a good idea to attend church and to pray before dinner it wasn’t necessary to do such things to gain entry into heaven. But the idea that works were required either wasn’t taught at my particular church or I didn’t soak that part in.

In 1989 while living in Germany with my family I attended a Church of Christ summer camp in the mountains. I had been once or twice before, but this time I was there with the big kids. I was going to be in high school after all. The councilors were college(!) kids from LCU. They all were members of either Best Friends or Kings Heirs. They generally shuffled us around and ensured we didn’t kill each other or ourselves. One night the two groups, which rarely combined performances, did just that. It was mostly your typical church drama group stuff. Stuff that at the age of 13 was pretty interesting and convicting. For the last performance of the night the group played the song “Watch the Lamb.” This particular version was sung by Best Friends. It has been sung by many other people as well. As the song was being played the group acted the song out.
Here are the words:

Watch the Lamb

Walking on the road to Jerusalem
The time had come to sacrifice again
My two small sons,
They walked beside me on the road
The reason that they came
Was to watch the lamb
CHORUS:
Daddy, daddy what will we see there?
There's so much we don't understand
So I told them of MosesAnd Father Abraham
And then I said,
Dear children, Watch the lamb
For there will be so many
In Jerusalem today
We must be sure the lamb
Doesn't run away
And I told them of MosesAnd Father Abraham
And then I said,
Dear children, Watch the lamb
When we reached the cityI knew something must be wrong
There were no joyful worshippers
No joyful worship songsI stood there with my children
In the midst of angry men
And then I heard the crowd cry out,
Crucify Him
We tried to leave the city
But we could not get away
Forced to play in this drama,
A part I did not wish to play
Why upon this day
Were men condemned to die?
Why were we standing here
Where soon they would pass by?
I look and said, Even now they come
The first one cried for mercy,
The people gave him none
The second one was violent,
He was arrogant and loud
I still can hear his angry voice
Screaming at the crowd
Then someone said, There's Jesus!
And I scarce believed my eyes
A man so badly beaten,He barely looked alive
Blood poured from His body,
From the thorns upon His brow
Running down the cross
And falling to the ground
I watched Him as He struggled
I watched Him as He fell
The cross came down upon His back,
The crowd began to yell
In that moment I felt such agony
In that moment I felt such loss
Until a Roman soldier grabbed my arm
And screamed, You, carry His cross!
At first I tried to resist him
Then his hand reached for his sword
And so I knelt and took
The cross from the Lord
I placed it on my shoulder
And started down the street
The blood that He'd been shedding
Was running down my cheek
They led us to Golgotha
They drove nails
Deep in His feet and hands
An yet upon the cross
I heard Him pray, Father forgive them
Oh, never have I seen such love
In any other eyes
Into they hands I commit My spirit,
He prayed and then He died
I stood for what seemed like years
I'd lost all sense of time
Until I felt two tiny hands
Holding tight to mine
My children stood there weeping
I heard the oldest say
Father, please forgive us
The lamb ran away
Daddy, daddy what have we seen here?
There's so much
That we don't understand
So I took them in my arms
And we turned and faced the cross
And then I said,
Dear children, watch the Lamb


They completed this piece and it affected me. I remember truly struggling with myself and my salvation and my sense of who am I to deserve this kind of gift? This gift of Grace. I was, at the age of 13 being presented an idea in which many people would not hear or understand until they were much older with much more water under their bridge. At the age of 13 the only sins I can ever remember having committed where lying to my parents about stuff that really didn’t matter, saying a cuss word, alone in my room ( I was SUCH a nerd) and bickering with friends the way ALL 13 year old girls do. When I watched this performance I suddenly understood. I understood that God had given me salvation. And I was nowhere near perfect enough. But that was ok. I talked with a fantastic student from LCU, James Cutrera that night, he helped me understand. I struggled with the idea of being loved despite my faults and being accepted because of my faults, all because of Grace. This was a life changing moment for me. I honestly believe this was when I accepted Christ in my life, I knew I had to. (I mean, I didn’t want to go to hell for cursing. I needed God!) I did not do so publicly for nearly another year, knowing that I wanted my parents to be there with me, and I didn’t want a church camp baptism. I needed to let this new, overwhelming idea sink in for a while.

I have understood the Grace of God for 16 years. I was able to grasp it as a young teenage girl and use it through out my adolescence. I never used it as an excuse for my behavior. I was a good kid, regardless what my parents may think (I joke, I joke) I never participated in many activities they would be horrified to have me around. I made good decisions most of the time. But I have made plenty of mistakes throughout the years. I think, no, I know it would be SO much harder to grasp this idea that God’s love is never ending, all encompassing and overwhelming if I was only now being introduced to the concept. I have so much more in my life now to “be ashamed” of. But grace cleans me and God loves me.

James and I continued to have contact for many years. I encountered him at several different LCU sponsored activities throughout my high school years, I even spoke with him a few times during my short time at LCU. I have lost touch with him, but I know God placed him in my life at a time when I needed someone to listen to me and my silly problems. He did just that and I am thankful to God for both his Grace and his ability to fill your life with people that can help you to the finish line.