I have had a bit of sharp pain in my left breast for about a week. Along with my more frequent that not insomnia that I seemed to have developed over the last couple of months. On Monday I made an appointment with my Doctor for the following day. Prior to arriving for my appointment I have researched the tar out of breast cancer, breast pain and anything breast related. Everything said most cases of breast cancer do not begin with pain in the breast. Well Josh thought he felt something and the doctor agreed to having felt something. I am not sure I have yet to actually feel what everybody is feeling. But I am ready to feel a golf ball sized lump, like I had while in high school and this one appears to be much smaller. She said it was probably a cyst and that I would need to have a breast ultrasound. Which I really ok with, I had to have one for the breast in high school and several with my babies.
But, imagine walking into a cool room, the last one of these you walked into was to take pictures of the baby inside of you. You could hardly walk because all the liquid they make you drink before peering into a mass of wiggly black and white lines until you see the precious face that will become you child. That was not the feeling I encountered once I walked into the room, I laid down and they put the goop on me, (at least it was warm) and started looking. I was scared. My very first mammogram from my youth did not show the very obvious lump that could be felt, but the ultrasound confirmed its existence. This time it seemed to me at the time that they were to just skip the mammogram and head straight to what would diagnoses what could be my greatest fear in live. Josh said he thought he saw something back that looked like a bean. But he said he could not see much more than that. I was just trying to keep my composure, and not be THAT lady. Of course the technician leaves, and then comes back to do some more, leaves again and decide to take a mammogram, even though my PCP didn’t order one. They squeeze me into (literally and figuratively) their schedule and 10 years after the first, I get my second mammogram. It did hurt more than I remembered, but more of just an unpleasant pulling that knife wielding pain. They told me not to change back into my clothes yet; they had to look at the images. The nice little nurse came back and said it looks good, you can get dressed now. My only confusion is: do the pictures look good because they are clear and readable or good because they can’t see anything on them. They tell me to follow up with my doctor, but give me no indication of when. How soon is too soon. So as the risk of being THAT lady I call my doctor and state, “ I had these procedures done today and was wondering when I could expect results? “You just did them TODAY?” I say, “Yes, I know they are not ready today, I am not THAT person, I was told to follow up with the doctor, but they didn’t give me time frame, two days, two weeks, two months? So I am simply curious, when should I start to call you if I haven’t been called?” “OK, they should have told you… By next Monday at noon, give us a call if you haven’t heard from us.” That I can deal with. Sort-Of. Now I wait. And wait. And wait. And worry.
But on the plus side the doctor gave me ambian to sleep, I did sleep all. Night. Long.
It was amazing. I am having some time in the morning shaking it off, I am not dopey-like hung over but like my mind is sharp but body is still a few feet back. It is interesting; hopefully my Dr. Pepper will help fix that.
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The doctor's nurse called me the day after Thanksgiving, to inform me that I have been refered to another doctor. So I now have an appointment on December 12th with a surgon. Not sure why, they wouldn't say anything more to me.
I have turned in my leave request for the doctors appt. and now will do my best not to even think about this for the next week, I think I have made myself sick over it all. Literally.
Plus, Ambian does not work for me. It worked the first night like a dream (ha ha) but the next two nights it felt like my head was being squished, but I could never actually fall asleep. PLus, I was tired all the next day becasue I did not sleep. Yuck.
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5 comments:
You know how the other day we were talking about how sometimes we read a post on a blog and we really want to comment, but try as we may, nothing sounds anything less than stupid so we finally give up? I almost did that here.
I spent a good deal of my day yesterday reading about breast cancer, and blubbering like a flippin' baby, but one thing that gave me a lot of encouragement was that EIGHT out of ten lumps are nothing. So there. I'm sure it's nothing. It HAS to be nothing. We have plans.
I am praying fervently for you.
I love you.
Mom
If Ambien doesn't work, maybe you could try a mallet to your frontal lobe. I haven't tried it myself, but I heard on Law & Order that it works for some people.
I really hate your doctor. I wish I could call them for you and tell you how worried you are and how you need more information and how you'd rather know what they know than worry about what they know and wonder why they're not telling you...
That said, I went through the same thing with a lymph node in my jaw (turned out to be a cyst) and I feel for you. Truly, I do. To this day, I see things differently and have more compassion. I hope the same is true for you when you find out you're okay. :)
Here's the link to the whole story, if you want to read it. I read about someone else's scare at the time I was going through mine and it made me feel a lot better for some reason.
http://suburbanturmoil.blogspot.com/2006/05/hey-remember-that-time-when-i-was.html
If this link doesn't come out right, it's in my May 2006 archives.
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