Sometimes the storm is the blessing- TOTALLY stolen from Amy

I have been having an extremely difficult time at work lately. It has gotten to the point that by the middle of the afternoon I am just about to loose my mind. I want to poke my eyes out and scream in pain because of the way that they are allowing me to feel. I leave at the end of the day feeling helpless and feeling as though I have no self-worth because my soul has been sucked from me within the last 9 hours. I am usually simply a shell of a person. It takes me between 2-3 hours after I leave to begin to feel like a normal human being again with an ounce of self worth. I hate it has gotten to the point where I despise coming to work every day, but I do it everyday because of the darn work ethic that was instilled in me many years ago. But I hate it.

I have spent a lot of time talking to God about why I was in this position right now. What am I suppose to learn? Who was I suppose to learn it from? How can I ever figure it out because, Good Gracious, I want to poke my eyes out!!!!!! Just tell me, God! Just tell me NOW!

Needless to say God has not taken my threats lightly. You know how he likes to reveal things to you in his own time? Well, he has been taking his sweet time for about 2 years now. And I am as patient as, well, I am not patient at all.

However, only recently did I begin just asking for my purpose at this place of employment to be revealed. I wanted to know what I needed to learn. I really do believe that people are placed in certain situations to learn from them. And I think this was one of those situations. I had to believe it was or I might simply go crazy.

I sat down this morning before work started and got on-line. I checked out a few web-sites that I enjoy and settled in for another long day at work. At least it was Friday and I had the weekend to look forward to. And then I clicked onto one of my regularly checked blogs: It coulda been worse. And then I read her post for today. And she speaks of grace. I have spoken on grace before, but in a different perspective than she does on her blog. And it hit me.

Sure, I am fully aware that God has given me grace. Daily. When I want to poke my eyes out at work, he gives me grace. He gives it to me thousands of times a day. But do I ever dole some out myself? Rarely. I do give grace to Josh and the kids. I give it to my friends. But I don’t think I have ever given grace to anybody in my work environment. Not even once. Not on purpose. I forgive and forget, but not just blind grace. I am going to try to do that today. And from now on. I will attempt to be gracious to my superiors while I am here. (Even when they make me want to poke my eyes out.) I will allow for Jesus to sit next to me while I work on my reports. I will bring God with me into my meetings. I will show grace to my boss, who I almost can not bear to look at for the fiery dislike that fills my being. And I will show grace.

I hope this is the lesson I am meant to learn here. I want it to be. So that I am able to move on and be filled with the happiness of a thousand puppy dogs and butterflies. And show the folks here what grace is all about. And get the heck out of dodge.