On growing up

This weekend I made the 4 hours one way and then 4 hours back trip to ACU in order to drop my 9 year old daughter off at church camp. Her real first sleep away camp. I was a bit of a mess. Mostly because she wasn’t. She had spent the week prior in New Mexico with her grandparents, having a great time, apparently behaving like an angel- with occasional attitude and she had only arrived home the day before I made the trip to take her to camp.

She was SO excited. Wearing her brand new High School Musical dress that Memaw had bought for her at the Disney Stores annual “It’s so cheep, we pay you to take it” Sale. She was so adorable in it and looked like such the little lady. And honestly, excited does not give justice to what she was. She was just plain thrilled. When we saw the first sign that said “Abilene” she squealed. Literally, like a pre-teen at a New Kids on the Block concert. Not that I would know anything about that, at all.

Anyhoo.

We made the drive up with her brother in the backseat playing Mario Games the entire way, complaining about the length of the trip about once every hour. Once we arrived, she checked in, got her room assignment and off we went to unpack the car. After hauling two suitcases up to the third floor she went looking around while I made her bed. It was like I was in some sort of weird Freaky Friday moment, only I was the mother this time. I remember doing the same thing to my mother; only she was dropping me off for college.

When she came back 15 minutes later she tried shoving me and her younger brother out the door, but I insisted that we stay until she was completely unpacked and moved into that college dorm room. (And that part I am not even exaggerating about. They stay in college dorm rooms!) After she was entirely unpacked I tried to get her to walk around the campus with me and her brother, to get a feel for the place, but she simply shoved me out the door and said, “See you on Friday!”

Jacob and I made our way down the 2 flights of stairs, went and paid for the picture package we ordered and got into the car and left.

Just like that.

It was so dramatic…. in my mind.

I am sure she is having a fantastic time and I can’t wait to hear all about it on Friday.

But I have found that I am having quite a time letting her go this time. I have been leaving her for weeks at a time since she was 6 months old, but I have always left her with family. With any camp environment, I have been with her, as the leader and even then it was only for one nighters. But this, this is so big. No contact for an entire week. No family members there to keep an eye on her. The freedom she will have is like none she has ever tasted.

And what funny is that I am not worried about her. I know that she is perfectly safe. I know that she will be accounted for more times than I will ever know. I know she will have a great time, making new friends and learning all sorts of things. But the thing that I am having the most trouble with is the letting go. It is so, so very hard. I want so much to be by her side when she is making those friends and learning those things. But I can’t be. And I don’t really want to be. Because I know that I am who I am because my parents dropped me off at camp and left when I kicked them out the door. I made my way just fine, and I know she will too. I just know how much I grew as a person and as a Christian at those camps and I am sad and selfish that I won’t be there to witness it. I just have to be ok with it. And that is so very hard.

I know she is going to come home a completely different young lady that who I dropped off, and I can’t hardly wait to meet her!