What? Me worry?

Have you ever thought about turning over something to God? Something you have worried about and worried yourself almost sick? And then you pray about it and then you turn it over, or you think you turned it over. Then it comes back. Or maybe it doesn’t.

A lot of times I would look at people who worried and laughed to myself. Because, while I worry a little, I have always been able to really turn my worries over to God. Just let them go. I just would pray over it and I wouldn’t worry my pretty little head over it anymore. I even prayed for the worriers. Because that is such a horrible thing to have to carry around with you. I really could not understand why they couldn’t let their worries go. Honestly, just give that over to God- He will make it better.

Then I read the following from Frances Chan’s book crazy love:

“Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our live.

Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace towards each others, or our tight grip of control.

Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it is okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance.”

Wow, ok- so worry I am good with, oh, but the stress. That rings a little too close for comfort. I do stress. And when I do I am in a way worrying, but simply placing a different name to it and reacting differently. How angry that must make God. How dare I think that what I am doing is way more important than anyone else. I was quickly convicted and also, felt a little nauseous.

You see for me, I really do believe that God is big, powerful and loving. I know He is going to take care of anything I might be inclined to worry about. But the stress, oh the stress. I mean- I am a wife, a mother, a teacher with 4 preps, a girl scout leader, a school club sponsor, a friend, a confidant, a Sunday school teacher and the list goes on. How could I NOT stress?

I wanted to fix this, but was not sure how that could be accomplished. Then, the next Sunday in our sermon we learned about the Exodus and how in 14:14 of Exodus, Moses says, “The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.” And a wave of still came over me. It is hard to believe that this scripture had never been taught to me before, or at least not when I was paying attention. I checked, none of my Bibles had it underlined. (They do now, but you know, that sermon was a couple of weeks ago now.) And you know what, the more I started to pray that scripture and began to ask for that stress to be taken from me, the better I began to feel. I began to let my stress go. I can’t say that I am cured completely or even forever. But I know now that I have found that when I sit still and let God take the burden for me, that I can and will be ok.

Reflections

When I look back at the last two years and the changes in my life that have taken place it is quite amazing. This time two years ago I was in a job that I hated, I was stuggeling with my kiddos and while Josh and I were not in a bad place we certainly were not in a good place either. Then I got the call to ofer me a change at a change. And the transformation began. I truly believe that God was watching every single minute of my life, watching, waiting and anxious for me to learn the lessons that I needed before he moved me along in my life.

I look at myself today and I am such a different person. I stand up for myself. I am more humble. I am looking out for the good of the whole and not just myself. I am learning to like myself a little more. I am learning to not be a door mat. I am learning how to serve in the way Christ would like me to. I am finding a place for me and my family on this, our temporary home. I am talking about Christ more with those around me. I am more open with my problems and struggles. Before I was such a private person. I did not want to share myself with much of anybody. I had a small handful of friends who held what few secrets I would share and I never felt more alone. I never would give myself over to anybody completely- sometimes not even to my husband. I am not perfect now by ANY stretch, but I am learning that by talking to others about my struggles I am not alone. I may be able to help others. I may learn something myself. It has been so rewarding to open myself up to those who have surrounded me and I am feeling so much better about who I am.

Now this isn’t to say I have completely come out of my shell, but I have in fact begun to climb my way out. I am stretching my arms and I really like the view. I like the way it feels to share my life and to be heard. I enjoy listening and growing that bond with those around me. I can’t wait to grow it even more.