Thyroids are for the birds.

When I was 21, only a few short months after I had given birth to my dear daughter Emily, I started to gain weight at an incredibly rapid rate. I was EXHAUSTED and was having other issues, that I won’t share here, because they are gross. Anyhow- I went to the Doctor, because I thought to myself, “Oh, gracious, I think I am pregnant again. Oh and by the way I have a four month old. ACK!”

After talking to the doctor and having a ton of blood work, the nice little doctor sent me home to wait for a call to figure out what was wrong. I went home and the doctor’s office called me that very afternoon to tell me that I needed to come back for more blood work. There had been an error and that they needed to redraw my blood. No problem, except that I am so tired it hurts to even think about walking to the car to drive across town. Once I arrive they take the blood and send me on my marry little way again. I received a call the next day that I was not pregnant, but instead I was broken. I had hypothyroidism. Meaning my thyroid don’t work. It went on vacation and is never coming back. Meaning that my body likes to be tired and fat all the time now, forever. In fact so broken that the doctor was shocked that I was functioning at all. He told me people with less of a “problem” never leave there home because it can be so debilitating. He put me on meds and told me I would feel better soon. The problem was I started to feel ok, but the weight, it never went anywhere.

Now the problem was that I have never enjoyed exercising. I remember in college going to the athletic center and riding the stationary bike for 30 minutes and thinking, “Wow! I am so fit now!” HA!

So I lived my life and the baby weight never went away, but now I had a bit of an excuse plus- there were days in the beginning of my journey that I literally had to drag myself from the bed I was so tired. Simply caring for my child and trying to not live in a pig sty were the more important thing in my life. I got pregnant with Jacob and got a desk job and the weight came on and never went anywhere.

Well, I am tired of it. I began in January eating healthier and have been visiting the gym more often than not. I am trying to go, even when I would rather sit on the couch and stuff myself full of chips. My endurance is raising, but the pounds are staying put. And I am frustrated. I hate my thyroid. I want it to get fixed and make my life a whole lot easier. I want to try to be healthy and see some results. I will stay with it. Because I will win. I am in a competition with myself. I have someplace fabulous to be in August and I want to enjoy it, even if I haven’t lost a single pound- I will have at least gained endurance for the trip. What is most frustrating about it all is that I want it, I am trying, and there are no results.

Also, I literally cannot remember the last time I wasn’t tired. It has been at least 12 years. And that, that really sucks.

Isaiah 43:18-19

Last night at Bible study the wonderful Georgine shared what may have become my new favorite verse with the group, right as we were closing for the night.

Isaiah 43:18-19 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!”

I can honestly say that I have never once read this verse and it have any sort of effect on me. But, when she read this out loud to the group I immediately thought about where I was a year ago and where I am today.

This last year has been interesting and full of times to grow as a person, a wife, a mother, a friend and most importantly as a Christian.

As a person I believe I have grown in many ways: like how I approach people, how I can stand up for myself. I have grown in the ways in which I deal with situations that would have at one point left me wringing my hands in worry. Now I simply deal with it and move on to the next problem. I feel much more comfortable with who I am as a person. I believe myself to be a good person, a truly optimistic person, one who really gives people the benefit of the doubt until she is proven wrong. I want all people to be “good” and deserving of one, two and three chances- but at the same time, I also have learned that sometimes my initial opinions of people are incorrect and I can own that and say, “Well, Susan, you gave them the benefit of the doubt. Even when others were unwilling to you did. And they proved you wrong. I am done.” I also feel as though I can stand up for myself a little more and not be such a push over. I am a very deserving person- and while I generally bend over backwards to help or put myself out for others I have learned to see when I am being taken advantage of and I don’t allow that to happen anymore.

As a wife I believe I have grown in the kitchen and as a loving and supportive wife. I believe that I have become more vocal of the support of my husband, both while he is around and not around. I try really hard to only speak highly of him, saying only kind words about him to anybody. Even if I am super angry with him. I learned in a class at church that what I say about him matters, whether he is around to hear it or not. That the words I say about him to another person may be the only impression they would ever have of him. So it is my job to only say positive things.

As a mother I have grown. Dealing with a preteen, who is hormonal and literally about to drive me crazy- I have learned that I have to take a deep breath and keep the calm. I can’t say that I am always 100 percent good at it, but it is something I am always trying to do. If I stay calm, I can help her see that calm is a better way to attack a situation, rather than all crazy upset like she so often likes to try and do. And wouldn’t you know that once I started this tactic she generally responded in a more positive way that when I yelled, kicked and screamed at her. Who would have ever guessed. I am not claiming to be perfect at this yet- I doubt I ever will be- but it is a difference in who I am trying to be, for my sanity and for my daughter and I’s relationship.

As a friend I think I rock! There I said it. I think I am an awesome friend. I am ALWAYS thinking of ways to try and make the friendship better, how to grow it, how to nurture the relationship into a longer lasting organic thing. This past year I have grown many of my friendships. I have gained more close friends than I have had in years. I feel SO blessed by those people who surround me on a day to day basis as well as through my church family and also friends from years past. Anyone who has ever called me a friend is special to me in ways they probably don’t even know and has blessed me in ways I can’t even count. My goal this last year was to do the same to as many others as I was able to.

As a Christian I have grown leaps and bounds. My “new” church family that I have been worshiping with for the last 5 or so years has blessed me in ways I can’t even explain. I feel like we have settled into this family and will be here for the long haul. I feel like we have been blessed by so many at the Round Rock Church of Christ that I can’t even explain it. They have been standing by us, in good times and bad times with no judgement. With some of the drama that has been happening at my “old” church home in NM, I am so happy to have found a home that I feel I fit in- and that is glad to have me. I only hope I can bless them in one ounce of the way they have already blessed me and my family.

While I have always loved Isaiah, I had never had Chapter 43, verse 18-19 strike me like it did last night. But it did. I am such a different person than I was- and I am glad I have forgotten many former things in my life. I am thrilled that I no longer dwell on things in the past. But thrilled to pieces that I am doing new thing and enjoying my life the way it is going right now.

Weekend retreat

This last weekend, I attended a ladies retreat with the women from my church. It was a wonderful time of fellowship and renewal. I went to the retreat excited to hang with my good friend Erica and her buddy Francis. We were going to hang out and really just have a good old time. I went with the expectation that I would enjoy myself- have some good time away from the stresses of my life for a while, but not really walk away from the weekend a different person. I thought that my spiritual life would not be greatly affected – whether this thinking was right- wrong or indifferent, that is what I believed.

Boy, was I wrong.

I was SO thirsty and didn’t even know it.

Friday night I was enjoying myself while we were worshiping and I asked God to let me gain something from the weekend. I opened my heart up and asked that He open my heart and fill it up with all things good and joyful. He heard me loud and clear. He opened my eyes, my heart and my soul and filled me so full of him that I can barely breathe now I am so full.
The theme of the retreat was Homecoming, and it was fun and heartwarming. I had gotten myself into a rut in life, just living day in, day out. Still doing all that I thought I needed to do, but feeling like something was missing- but not really knowing what was not quite right. I couldn’t ever really put my finger on it, except that I was really weighed down by the everyday life. So, when I opened up and let him fill me and it is such a wonderful feeling.

In fact, just last night I grabbed my Bible and flipped it open to a random passage and this is what the Lord led me too: Ephesians 2:1-10

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive in Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised up with Christ and seated is with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourself, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advanced for us to do.

Did you read that? Really, really read it? It is AMAZING! I had to slow down, read it out loud to really HEAR it. I read it 4 or 5 times last night just soaking it all in. I think this may be my new favorite passage.

Know that God is has covered us with grace and that he knows we have all been in those trenched, but he there waiting for us. I am so glad to be home.

Archived: A button

In Jacob’s kindergarten class everyday one person gets chosen to pick from the treasure chest. He has gotten to be the lucky winner twice this year. The winner is chosen based on how well they behave during rest time. If you are quiet and don’t wiggle and squirm you get to be the winner.

Jacob was the winner on Monday. He was so tired he slept through rest time, so of course he didn’t talk, wiggle or squirm at all. Poor guy wasn’t used to school after 6 days off.

When we all get home I have started making dinner, spaghetti (an all time fav around here) and Emily says, “ Jacob, show mom what you got from the treasure chest!” I turn around from my browning meat and addition of Girl Scout money on the counter to ask him, “Jacob, what did you choose?” He runs to his backpack and runs back to me with
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a button.














“A button, wow, um, that’s nice.”

He just grins at me.

“Well, Jacob, what do you want to do with your button?” “When we go to the store we can buy some yarn and put it on there and swing it around and it will make noise.” he says with more excitement than I could ever muster over a button. “What other stuff was in the treasure box?” I ask, thinking maybe the pickings were slim; it is near the end of the first semester, maybe Mrs. Smith needs to restock. He tells me he skipped over kaleidoscopes and cool sunglasses and pencils. For a button. Now the button rests in a very special spot in my jewelry box, safe from all things evil. He is a special boy; I wouldn’t have him any other way.

Revamp

Well, I wiped the dust and prettied her up. I feel like I have a lot to say as of late, and I need a place to do it. So, this will be it. I may only have like 1 reader, (hi mom), but that is ok. I got to get the stuff out somewhere and this was a fantastic outlet for me a few years ago, so I am coming home to it.

Be on the look out. I have a few in drafts already with more stewing up in my pea sized brain.

Howdy there

It has been a while since I sat down to write some of my thoughts and what not down onto “paper”- life with 1 husband, 2 kids, a busy job and animals to boot made time scarce. But I think I am starting to get a grip on the way I should handle myself and my business… so to speak.

We have been a busy bunch in the last several months. I have really come into my own in the last year or so. I feel like I have spent so much of my life trying to please others. I was SUCH a people pleaser. And now I feel that I have my priorities in place. They are in fact my priorities and they don’t always align with what others think I should be doing or how I should be spending my time. But I know myself better than anybody else.

I feel like I have been going to therapy without having gone to therapy. I know understand why people say turning 30 is so wonderful. I have truly become quite introspective. I think about things in such a different way than when I was in my 20’s. I am truly my own person now. I feel like God has put in a place where I can be of service to Him, in my home, in my job and in my church. I have not felt so happy and fulfilled in a long time.

Summer time is upon us

Ahhh summer.

It has finally come upon us. There was a time last November when I didn’t believe it would ever exist. But, alas it is here. And I am LOVING ever minute of it!

Except for the part where the kids decided to hate each other. That part really stunk, but I think we have moved past it and have moved onto the point where we can bear to be in the same room as each other. Which is good, because I was just about up to here with it, if you know what I mean. Today was the first day in, well, forever that I didn’t have to be at a job that was going to pay me. I was required to be at a job that was not going to pay me, but I wanted to be there. I am able to volunteer for the first time ever to work our churches VBS, and this is the first year that my kids could attend as well. We were all so super duper excited.

Really, we were.

So we woke up early, about 2 hours later than usual, and got ready. Off to the church building we went. The kids off to their groups and I didn’t see them again until lunch time. And they came and found me. I was with a group of kiddos that had just completed the third grade. They were precious. I knew some of them from small group, and some I have never met before. They were all precious. I was paired with another adult and 2 teens. One who has an infections energy. I love my group.
When we were done at 2:30 I gathered my own children up and headed home. The kids couldn't stop talking about it. Jacob LOVED it! Which really suprised me, but thrilled me! I was exhausted. We had slowed down considerable at school the last 2 weeks and this was like the first day of school all over again. I was BEAT! I made the kids come home and take an hour rest time and when I was feeling human again we headed off to the neighborhood pool. I have a feeling we will spend MANY an afternoon there. The kids know others at the pool, I can lay there and read, and actually may end up with a nice, color to me, rather than this pasty white I have been for 8 years. The kids had a great time and we were there for almost 2 hours. We left only because Emily hurt herself, but not to terribly.

The kids have commented several times that this is the best day ever and we didn’t spend a dime and there has been NO fighting. I only hope the rest of the summer continues like this. Even though I know there will be days where they will bicker and things will not go as planned, I enjoyed this, our first official day of summer.

Reflections

It has been several months since I have even had a simple moment to sit down and reflect on what the last year has looked like. But know, I find myself in that position. Sitting back and reflecting. Something that I think we should all do, especially when we change our lives in such a drastic way and several months have passed- you should sit back and think about if the choice you made was a good one, was one that you are proud of, is it making your life better or worse.
One year ago (almost exactly) I was hired to teach high school. This was a goal I had been working towards for longer than even I will admit. But I finally had accomplished it. And I was thrilled and terrified. I had never done anything like this before. And it was a drastic change. I had changed from a hotel manager to a cube dweller, and while that change was a lot bigger than I thought at the time, I knew this change was big and that things were going to be hard, but good.

And they were. Hard, so incredibly hard. Harder than any job I have ever had. But good. Better than anything that has happened in the recent years.

The last nine months have been so incredible that I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. Those first few days were terrifying, but I think the kids are so wrapped up in themselves that they don’t even realize you are as nervous as they are. And I was. Terrified. I wanted to do my very best but I was nervous. I also left my previous job with a sour taste in my mouth for “upper management” and was nervous that they wouldn’t like me anymore than those “in charge” had at the previous place.

But I started and poured my heart and soul into the job. So much in fact that my son asked me to go back to the other job because when I left the office at 5pm, I was gone, but this teacher thing followed me around everywhere. Always writing a lesson plan or thinking about a lesson or worrying about papers to grade. And if that was all done, then… I worried about those stinking kids like they were my own. But, his tune has changed, as I learned how to better use my time and now when I am home, I am almost always not working on school stuff- that he can see. Plus, with summer within sight, he is pleased as punch that we will be home together to play and act silly all summer long.

With only a little bit of school stuff left to do. Only I will do most of that while he is away of asleep.

So the last year has been amazing. I only had 9 seniors this semester, but a few of them were extra special. One who is too cool for school. Who painted a beautiful mural on my wall which I will cry over not being able to take with me when we get our new school. She wouldn’t even look at me at graduation, but I know she was happy to see me there acting like a silly, crazy person who had shown up to see them graduate. I saw that twinkle in her eye as she walked passed me. The second was that kid who took my class, a freshman level course, as a senior. He just had to have a place to park himself every other day for an hour and a half. He was a good boy, who always did his work, even the stuff he thought was ridiculous. He carried that flour baby around and he sewed several pillows, and I think he might have learned a little something in the process. These two kiddos will help me remember my first year teaching. Along with a dozen or so others crazy under classmen. Like the mechanical baby girl, who talked incessantly about those silly mechanical babies until she had to carry around a flour baby for a week. Haven’t heard a peep about them since. Or the student athlete who always did her work BEFORE she was going to be out for athletics. And managed to get a 98 in my class. And the poor little boy who transferred schools at the semester and gave me the first and last teacher gift I have ever received. The teacher mug with candy. This boy was special to me, because after the first day of school if I had never seen him again, it would have been too soon. But we muddled through and when he left he had been clean and sober for 4 weeks and was proud to tell me about it. And I was proud of him for it.

So over all the last year has been a whirl wind of time. I don’t even remember feeling down in the trenches, but I know I was there. I know there was a time when I felt overwhelmed and under qualified and lost for what to do and say. But know I know better than I did before and I will know even better this time next year. I can’t believe how far I have come. I can’t believe how excited I am to go back next year and start all over with those silly little freshman. And some other classes that will have more upper classmen in them. This has been the best career change I have ever made. And I think I am only as good as I am because I come from a line of educators and because of the life I have lived up to this point. If I hadn’t worked all the crazy jobs I had in the past, then I wouldn’t be half as prepared as I am for this now.

I love it. I love hearing “SUMPTER!” in the hallways, from several students. I love the nothing drawings that students have made for me. I love the exhaustion that I feel most days. I love that there are students who love me and students who hate me. I love that I am making a difference in the lives of some of these knuckleheads. They have left their mark on me, I just hope that I have left a mark on them.

End of the drought

I have nothing profound to say, just finally feeling like I might have something to write about again. Not that my students don’t give me more material than my own children, but their privacy must be maintained.

Things have been crazy around these parts with school and the move and just life that I quite literally have not had 5 minutes to rub together a thought to write down. But now things are calming down and I would like to start getting my writing juices out on paper again.

I will leave you with some pictures that I took a few weeks ago when the wind was high and the sun was shining. We headed down to the new neighborhoods park and broke out the new kites. We had a great family evening flying those kites and the kids have been bugging me ever since to get back out there to fly some more. There just hasn’t been enough time or wind to get back out.

My rockin' New Years Eve!

Josh was working on New Years Eve and Emily had gone to spend the night at a friends house to "work" on her cience Fair Project, leaving Jacob and I to fend for ourselves. Jacob was about to make his regular dinner on the fly, Taco meat, when I thought it would be way more fun to cook up a pizza and watch Wall-E, which we had picked up from the Red Box the night before. Jacob was game, so I let him make the pizza all by himself- with a little direction from me.

Now when I say, "Make a pizza" I don't mean make the dough. My mother used to make the dough from scratch when I was a kid, but once these little pouches came out where all you have to do is add water, she went to that and that is all I have ever done with my family. So here is Jacob puring in the dough.




Stir it up! He loves to stir!


Got to grease the pan. I remember having to Cisco it with my fingers whn I was a kid. It was SO gross. And my mom always made me do it!


Spreading the dough out. He did a very good job. I had to help him in the end, but he almost did it all himself.


Extra seasoning. Got to make it our own!


And the sauce. We don't use anything fancy. What ever we have in the house already. This is some sort of 4 cheese sauce.


Add the cheese, oops! Caught ya! He loves to eat shredded cheese. I think he may have eaten more than he got on the pizza!


But the smile makes it all good!


In the oven! Yummy!

Once it was done, we snuggled up and watched Wall-E, the third viewing for him and the first for me. I enjoyed my rather tame ringing in of the new year. But I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Prayers and Blessings

I have been attending a Sunday school class using the book Revolutionary Parenting as a guide. During the last 5 minutes of class our children’s minister stands up and would issue a challenge for the week. A challenge to get us to be better parents. She usually would give us something along the lines of bringing God into the conversations more or praying around the dinner table.

This class has been so wonderful. It allowed me to have the gumption to ask Jacob to pray at dinner and when he said no, again like he does every time we would ask I tucked that information into the back of my mind and that night when I tucked him in I asked him why he didn’t ever want to pray at dinner. His response was of course to say nothing at all, just like when I ask a difficult question to him. I asked if it was because he didn’t actually know how. If he was intimidated because when our babysitter prays at her table it is always very flowy and showy? His response to this question was a big nod and big scared eyes.

I quickly informed him that he was ok to have very simple prayers and that his prayers would be just as important to God as any big showy prayer he had heard anywhere else. We now, have nightly “prayer time” and he is excited to do it and getting more confident in his prayers every night. They are still very simple and “thank you for the trees” kind of prayers, but he is comfortable doing it and it pleases me more than anything else in this world.

Additionally another challenge given was to write a blessing for your children. This was especially difficult for me. I was very unsure of what to write. But I did it. I am sure it is horrible. But I plan to give these to the kids on Christmas Eve, and make it a tradition. And let me tell you--- it blessed me more than I am sure it will bless them. It is nice to sit down and really think about the wonderful things about your children and how they bless you and how you only hope for the very best for your children.

This class has come to a close and I am really sad about it. I know that the next class we will begin after the new year will be fabulous. It is a more Bible based course and I love to delve into the Bible during Sunday School, but I will miss this class, it is the first “parenting course” that I REALLY enjoyed and will miss going to every week. I am glad that I purchased the book in order to read and re-read it as my children grow. I would recommend it to anybody!!

Happy Birthday little one

Today, my baby girl is 10. Take a moment and let that sink in. She is 10. (Insert HUGE sigh from me.)

It seems that just yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital when I was just 20 years old. I know I just gave my age away, but, seriously people, we have bigger fish to fry.

In these last 10 years I have watched my child go from an extremely strong willed child. So much so that I had to hold her down some nights to get her to go to sleep. She was a fierce child.

She turned into an even stronger willed child, who has already been picked up from the police station. She sure gave her father and I a run for our money. Never a dull moment with my little one.

She developed a speech “thing” that even the diagnostician had never heard of before. She began going to school 2 years earlier than she should have. She worked her way out of that speech thing, but began to struggle with reading. What a long year 2nd and 3rd grade were.

Then, it was as if a switch went off and she got it. She became my little academic. She is excelling in all of her subjects. She is reading so much that we can’t keep books in the house for her. She is currently reading Marley and Me, and eating it up. And that is not exactly at a 4th grade reading level. I am SO super proud if her.

She has also developed her first real crush. She told me about it just last night. I was so happy and sad at the same time. I was so sad because she is becoming a young lady, but so happy that she felt comfortable enough to tell me about it.

Here she is just last weekend. Beautiful as ever.



I love you Emily, Happy 10th. I hope it is everything that you want it to be.

Well, Hello there

Well, my oh my. It has been nearly 2 months since I last thought about writing anything on this here blog. But I thought I might give it an old college try.

The last 2 months have been hard. If you are still in school, thank your teachers. If you have kids in school, thank their kids. Because this career choice I made, it is hard.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love it. I have not once thought "I do not want to go to work today." Except for that one day when I had a stomach bug, but that was because I didn't want to puke on all of my students. I love going into that classroom everyday and teaching these knuckleheads things that I would like to think our children going into high school should know, but all too often do not.

I have been swimming in it all for the last 8 weeks. But with Thanksgiving right around the corner I actually feel like I might find myself as a person again. Maybe.

Take tonight as an example, even though I spent all day in class I still had time to take Emily to a birthday party, and have some one on one time with Jacob, and finally upload photos from like the last 3 months and a few other fun items. While sorting through the previously mentioned pictures I found one that I had forgotten i had taken. I had wiped the memory of the event from my memory all together. But seeing that picture, it all came back to me.

You see a few months ago my dear Amy and I finally made our much anticipated trip to see NKOTB. She recounted her fabulous memories HERE. She does quite a fantastic job of retelling the account in a fabulous voice with lots of anticipation and well thought out writing. But what she didn't tell you was that she became very violent on our little adventure. She was out right crazy. I became fearful for my safety when she insisted that she purchase a shot gun.

And then, ladies and gentlemen, she shot an animal. And liked it!

I know, I know, we are from Texas, where people shoot animals for sport. But, I really was shocked when we are walking through downtown San Antonio and she opens fire on a poor, defenseless animal.

I even took a photo of our dear friend with the "kill" and as you can see she was quite proud of herself!

I know, I know. I am almost ashamed to call her MY Lucy.

But in all seriousness, I think that weekend helped keep my sanity. With the craziness that is my life now I rarely have time for myself. But me and my girlfriend rocked a fabulous time and I can not imagine doing it with anybody else. Plus the music was pretty rockin' too!

Time with my boy

Tonight Emily had softball practice and since Josh is the coach they headed out the door after dinner together. I decided that Jacob and I needed a little one on one time, since that has been pretty rare here lately. Plus I needed to get my supplies for the craft for my Girl Scout meeting that is Friday night.

Jacob and I got into the car and headed out to Hobby Lobby to pick up scrapbooking supplies. FYI- Scrappers, all paper and albums are 50% off this week. Saved myself, er, well, I saved Girl Scouts A LOT of money. We had such a good time and he helped me pick out paper and albums for the girls. He showed my some beautiful Christmas decorations and very cute Halloween decorations that he thought we ought to buy right then and there. He showed me how he can stand on one foot for several minutes at a time while we were checking out with my 100 pages of scrapbooking paper (5 for $1) and even smiled and held my hand most of the time while we shopped around the store.

He told me about the book they are reading in school about a porcupine who loves salt and how he uses somewhat inappropriate language, which he finds hilarious. And also, the chapter they read today is when the fox dies, and he (Jacob) almost cried. “I had tears in my eyes.”

I loved spending this evening with my son. It reminds me of how important spending just a little bit of good quality time together can really reconnect a parent and a child. Plus, the ice cream from “Basket and Robbins” didn’t hurt either.

Mistakes

Right now things in our part of the world are pretty rough. I won't go into it all right now, because too many things are up in the air, but changes will coming this week for my family, ready or not.

It is really frustrating to be put into a situation that you can do very little about. When decisions are made for you because of a mistake you made several years ago and are ready to fix, have been ready to fix, but nobody wants to listen- it's hard.

Right now, I ask only for prayers, understanding and no judgement. We know the mistakes we have made. We have punished ourselves more than anybody else can. Right now, we need support. We know we messed up.

Now we are pulling ourselves up from rock bottom and we are going to be successful once again. Who knows when, but I know we will. I know deep in my heart we will be ok. Josh and I have put this situation completely in God's hands. I know He will stand by us in our shame. I just hope that everyone else will as well.

First day of school

Around these parts kids have been staring shcool either yesterday or today. I started my new teaching job, with kids in class yesterday. It was a day.

My kids started school today. They were all dolled up and daddy took their pictures before taking them to school. Hard to beleive they are in 2nd and 4th grade. Seems just yesterday we were bringing Emily h ome from the hospital.

Here are obligatory first day of school pictures in front of the door.

Attitude

Recently we have had abit of an attitude problem with my nine-year old daughter Emily. This evening, after returning home from the pool and heading up the street to see her friend for a minute, she returned home to change out of her bathing suit. However, it was already 8pm, which is late for us, especially since we are trying to get the kids acclimated to earlier hours because of school starting next week. Her father told her that she actually needed to call it a night and was going to need to get a bath and get ready for bed. I followed Josh by saying, "But first, please run up and tell Jacob to come on home."

You would have thought I poured hot acid in her ear.

"I thought I was supposed to get a bath!!! I was going to get in the bath!!" Never mind the fact that she still had one foot out the front door.

I politely told her to get her butt in the bath and I would get her brother, and deal with her in a minute. When I went outside, her friend Danielle, told me should would be more than happy to send Jacob home.

I returned inside to discuss with Emily how her attitude needed adjusting. When she gets upset becasue she is in trouble she begins to almost scream "I am sorry! I didn't know!!" over and over. I told her that I accepted her apology, and she needed to stop, calm down and listen. And then I had nice little talk to her about the need to listen and had she been listening rather than throwing me attitude she would have heard me say that she would actually been given a few more minutes with her frined this evening, while walking back to her house to pick up Jacob. We had a nice chat and it almost seemed to have made an impression. I didn't drone on and on like I normally do and left her to get her shower.

About a half hour later Josh called me into the hallway to point out this:



Here is the note:


After talking to Josh, we decided this might be a little drastic, but we agreed to have no electronics, including her phone, radio, computer, and TV. But only for one week. But she was informed that if we encounter attitude again, the punishment would be extended.

I don't know why, but I think we really got through to her this time.

The sweet is so sweet.

So as many of you may or may not have noticed, I apperantly took a little bogging break for the last week and a half. I have been so super busy with new hire training, and in-services and my on-line courses that time has become very precious. Gone are the days of sitting in front of a computer for hours a day with nothing to do.

But I love it.

I am SO tired and my feet already hurt. I can hardly sleep for all the thoughts and ideas racing through my mind as I try to fall asleep.

I have not loved a job like this in years.

Now I may not feel that way in a week, when the students actually show up, but I am toughing my exterior, preparing my first weeks lessons and gritting my teeth.

I know it will be sweet, because I made it through the bitter.

My classroom

I have been spending my time this week attending the first of my three weeks of training that I am required to have prior to the beginning of the school year. I was released early today around lunch time and I headed out to my school so that I could take a look at the class room I might be placed into, hopefully get my schedule and find out exactly what I will be teaching and finally take some of the materials home with me in order to start completing some of my lesson plans prior to the school year starting.

I was shown the room that everybody thinks I will be occupying.


The room is in the middle of being painted and cleaned out prior to the beginning of the year. I am excited to have such a huge room and I am really glad they got rid of the blue paint on the wall and painted it "Navajo" as I was told by the nice painter, Joe, that was in the room working. This is not for sure my room, but the councilor and my teaching partner seemed to think this is where I will be placed.

I also was given my tentative schedule. I will teaching 5 sections of the same class: Personal and Family Development and 1 section of Housing/Interior Design. There are 8 periods and I will have 2 conference periods, 1 each day as we are on a block schedule.

And I brought home tons of books. I brought home as many as I could carry in one trip.



I know it will be hard and over whelming and I know I will cry, but I am SO excited!

Changes are coming

I recently was looking back at my blog posts from when I left my previous job and took the job I currently have (for 6 more hours). I was looking to see if I had written a grand farewell to this job kind of piece, I mentioned that I had found a new job and that I was excited about the new opportunity and such but nothing like the post I had written in my head over the past couple a weeks about this job I have now.

But then, as I was looking at the posts I came across this picture:



And I immediately thought of the picture I had just posted earlier this week:



And I got mad at myself.

Really, really, really mad.

Because that sweet little boy has grown three years in my time with the Evil Company (EC) and I missed a lot of it because I spent my time angry about my job. I missed first days of school and Kindergarten recitals and parent/teacher conferences because of EC. I have been mad for the last three years, and you know what? That makes me mad! I missed so much of my babies childhood because of my situation.

And that day I vowed that I was done being mad. I know that this next year will be hard. I will be angry, I will be frustrated, I will feel unappreciated, I will cry. But I will not let it allow me to miss anymore of my children’s lives. No job I could ever hold will be more important that the one’s I already have, Christian, Wife and Mother.

With that said, I am SO stinking excited at the gigantic change that I am making right now. It is scary and nerve-wracking, but I know it is the correct choice, because I have no regrets of leaving EC. None, zero, zilch. I feel like I had to work at this place, I had to have these experiences, I needed them to grow as a person. But I also know that my time here is done. I have no reason to think this is a mistake. And I am ready to wake up again and start living my life, as a happy, joyful person.