Have you ever thought about turning over something to God? Something you have worried about and worried yourself almost sick? And then you pray about it and then you turn it over, or you think you turned it over. Then it comes back. Or maybe it doesn’t.
A lot of times I would look at people who worried and laughed to myself. Because, while I worry a little, I have always been able to really turn my worries over to God. Just let them go. I just would pray over it and I wouldn’t worry my pretty little head over it anymore. I even prayed for the worriers. Because that is such a horrible thing to have to carry around with you. I really could not understand why they couldn’t let their worries go. Honestly, just give that over to God- He will make it better.
Then I read the following from Frances Chan’s book crazy love:
“Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our live.
Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace towards each others, or our tight grip of control.
Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it is okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance.”
Wow, ok- so worry I am good with, oh, but the stress. That rings a little too close for comfort. I do stress. And when I do I am in a way worrying, but simply placing a different name to it and reacting differently. How angry that must make God. How dare I think that what I am doing is way more important than anyone else. I was quickly convicted and also, felt a little nauseous.
You see for me, I really do believe that God is big, powerful and loving. I know He is going to take care of anything I might be inclined to worry about. But the stress, oh the stress. I mean- I am a wife, a mother, a teacher with 4 preps, a girl scout leader, a school club sponsor, a friend, a confidant, a Sunday school teacher and the list goes on. How could I NOT stress?
I wanted to fix this, but was not sure how that could be accomplished. Then, the next Sunday in our sermon we learned about the Exodus and how in 14:14 of Exodus, Moses says, “The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.” And a wave of still came over me. It is hard to believe that this scripture had never been taught to me before, or at least not when I was paying attention. I checked, none of my Bibles had it underlined. (They do now, but you know, that sermon was a couple of weeks ago now.) And you know what, the more I started to pray that scripture and began to ask for that stress to be taken from me, the better I began to feel. I began to let my stress go. I can’t say that I am cured completely or even forever. But I know now that I have found that when I sit still and let God take the burden for me, that I can and will be ok.
Showing posts with label serioulsy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label serioulsy. Show all posts
Monday, October 04, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Reflections
When I look back at the last two years and the changes in my life that have taken place it is quite amazing. This time two years ago I was in a job that I hated, I was stuggeling with my kiddos and while Josh and I were not in a bad place we certainly were not in a good place either. Then I got the call to ofer me a change at a change. And the transformation began. I truly believe that God was watching every single minute of my life, watching, waiting and anxious for me to learn the lessons that I needed before he moved me along in my life.
I look at myself today and I am such a different person. I stand up for myself. I am more humble. I am looking out for the good of the whole and not just myself. I am learning to like myself a little more. I am learning to not be a door mat. I am learning how to serve in the way Christ would like me to. I am finding a place for me and my family on this, our temporary home. I am talking about Christ more with those around me. I am more open with my problems and struggles. Before I was such a private person. I did not want to share myself with much of anybody. I had a small handful of friends who held what few secrets I would share and I never felt more alone. I never would give myself over to anybody completely- sometimes not even to my husband. I am not perfect now by ANY stretch, but I am learning that by talking to others about my struggles I am not alone. I may be able to help others. I may learn something myself. It has been so rewarding to open myself up to those who have surrounded me and I am feeling so much better about who I am.
Now this isn’t to say I have completely come out of my shell, but I have in fact begun to climb my way out. I am stretching my arms and I really like the view. I like the way it feels to share my life and to be heard. I enjoy listening and growing that bond with those around me. I can’t wait to grow it even more.
I look at myself today and I am such a different person. I stand up for myself. I am more humble. I am looking out for the good of the whole and not just myself. I am learning to like myself a little more. I am learning to not be a door mat. I am learning how to serve in the way Christ would like me to. I am finding a place for me and my family on this, our temporary home. I am talking about Christ more with those around me. I am more open with my problems and struggles. Before I was such a private person. I did not want to share myself with much of anybody. I had a small handful of friends who held what few secrets I would share and I never felt more alone. I never would give myself over to anybody completely- sometimes not even to my husband. I am not perfect now by ANY stretch, but I am learning that by talking to others about my struggles I am not alone. I may be able to help others. I may learn something myself. It has been so rewarding to open myself up to those who have surrounded me and I am feeling so much better about who I am.
Now this isn’t to say I have completely come out of my shell, but I have in fact begun to climb my way out. I am stretching my arms and I really like the view. I like the way it feels to share my life and to be heard. I enjoy listening and growing that bond with those around me. I can’t wait to grow it even more.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Weekend retreat
This last weekend, I attended a ladies retreat with the women from my church. It was a wonderful time of fellowship and renewal. I went to the retreat excited to hang with my good friend Erica and her buddy Francis. We were going to hang out and really just have a good old time. I went with the expectation that I would enjoy myself- have some good time away from the stresses of my life for a while, but not really walk away from the weekend a different person. I thought that my spiritual life would not be greatly affected – whether this thinking was right- wrong or indifferent, that is what I believed.
Boy, was I wrong.
I was SO thirsty and didn’t even know it.
Friday night I was enjoying myself while we were worshiping and I asked God to let me gain something from the weekend. I opened my heart up and asked that He open my heart and fill it up with all things good and joyful. He heard me loud and clear. He opened my eyes, my heart and my soul and filled me so full of him that I can barely breathe now I am so full.
The theme of the retreat was Homecoming, and it was fun and heartwarming. I had gotten myself into a rut in life, just living day in, day out. Still doing all that I thought I needed to do, but feeling like something was missing- but not really knowing what was not quite right. I couldn’t ever really put my finger on it, except that I was really weighed down by the everyday life. So, when I opened up and let him fill me and it is such a wonderful feeling.
In fact, just last night I grabbed my Bible and flipped it open to a random passage and this is what the Lord led me too: Ephesians 2:1-10
As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive in Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised up with Christ and seated is with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourself, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advanced for us to do.
Did you read that? Really, really read it? It is AMAZING! I had to slow down, read it out loud to really HEAR it. I read it 4 or 5 times last night just soaking it all in. I think this may be my new favorite passage.
Know that God is has covered us with grace and that he knows we have all been in those trenched, but he there waiting for us. I am so glad to be home.
Boy, was I wrong.
I was SO thirsty and didn’t even know it.
Friday night I was enjoying myself while we were worshiping and I asked God to let me gain something from the weekend. I opened my heart up and asked that He open my heart and fill it up with all things good and joyful. He heard me loud and clear. He opened my eyes, my heart and my soul and filled me so full of him that I can barely breathe now I am so full.
The theme of the retreat was Homecoming, and it was fun and heartwarming. I had gotten myself into a rut in life, just living day in, day out. Still doing all that I thought I needed to do, but feeling like something was missing- but not really knowing what was not quite right. I couldn’t ever really put my finger on it, except that I was really weighed down by the everyday life. So, when I opened up and let him fill me and it is such a wonderful feeling.
In fact, just last night I grabbed my Bible and flipped it open to a random passage and this is what the Lord led me too: Ephesians 2:1-10
As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive in Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised up with Christ and seated is with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourself, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advanced for us to do.
Did you read that? Really, really read it? It is AMAZING! I had to slow down, read it out loud to really HEAR it. I read it 4 or 5 times last night just soaking it all in. I think this may be my new favorite passage.
Know that God is has covered us with grace and that he knows we have all been in those trenched, but he there waiting for us. I am so glad to be home.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Prayers and Blessings
I have been attending a Sunday school class using the book Revolutionary Parenting as a guide. During the last 5 minutes of class our children’s minister stands up and would issue a challenge for the week. A challenge to get us to be better parents. She usually would give us something along the lines of bringing God into the conversations more or praying around the dinner table.
This class has been so wonderful. It allowed me to have the gumption to ask Jacob to pray at dinner and when he said no, again like he does every time we would ask I tucked that information into the back of my mind and that night when I tucked him in I asked him why he didn’t ever want to pray at dinner. His response was of course to say nothing at all, just like when I ask a difficult question to him. I asked if it was because he didn’t actually know how. If he was intimidated because when our babysitter prays at her table it is always very flowy and showy? His response to this question was a big nod and big scared eyes.
I quickly informed him that he was ok to have very simple prayers and that his prayers would be just as important to God as any big showy prayer he had heard anywhere else. We now, have nightly “prayer time” and he is excited to do it and getting more confident in his prayers every night. They are still very simple and “thank you for the trees” kind of prayers, but he is comfortable doing it and it pleases me more than anything else in this world.
Additionally another challenge given was to write a blessing for your children. This was especially difficult for me. I was very unsure of what to write. But I did it. I am sure it is horrible. But I plan to give these to the kids on Christmas Eve, and make it a tradition. And let me tell you--- it blessed me more than I am sure it will bless them. It is nice to sit down and really think about the wonderful things about your children and how they bless you and how you only hope for the very best for your children.
This class has come to a close and I am really sad about it. I know that the next class we will begin after the new year will be fabulous. It is a more Bible based course and I love to delve into the Bible during Sunday School, but I will miss this class, it is the first “parenting course” that I REALLY enjoyed and will miss going to every week. I am glad that I purchased the book in order to read and re-read it as my children grow. I would recommend it to anybody!!
This class has been so wonderful. It allowed me to have the gumption to ask Jacob to pray at dinner and when he said no, again like he does every time we would ask I tucked that information into the back of my mind and that night when I tucked him in I asked him why he didn’t ever want to pray at dinner. His response was of course to say nothing at all, just like when I ask a difficult question to him. I asked if it was because he didn’t actually know how. If he was intimidated because when our babysitter prays at her table it is always very flowy and showy? His response to this question was a big nod and big scared eyes.
I quickly informed him that he was ok to have very simple prayers and that his prayers would be just as important to God as any big showy prayer he had heard anywhere else. We now, have nightly “prayer time” and he is excited to do it and getting more confident in his prayers every night. They are still very simple and “thank you for the trees” kind of prayers, but he is comfortable doing it and it pleases me more than anything else in this world.
Additionally another challenge given was to write a blessing for your children. This was especially difficult for me. I was very unsure of what to write. But I did it. I am sure it is horrible. But I plan to give these to the kids on Christmas Eve, and make it a tradition. And let me tell you--- it blessed me more than I am sure it will bless them. It is nice to sit down and really think about the wonderful things about your children and how they bless you and how you only hope for the very best for your children.
This class has come to a close and I am really sad about it. I know that the next class we will begin after the new year will be fabulous. It is a more Bible based course and I love to delve into the Bible during Sunday School, but I will miss this class, it is the first “parenting course” that I REALLY enjoyed and will miss going to every week. I am glad that I purchased the book in order to read and re-read it as my children grow. I would recommend it to anybody!!
Friday, August 01, 2008
Changes are coming
I recently was looking back at my blog posts from when I left my previous job and took the job I currently have (for 6 more hours). I was looking to see if I had written a grand farewell to this job kind of piece, I mentioned that I had found a new job and that I was excited about the new opportunity and such but nothing like the post I had written in my head over the past couple a weeks about this job I have now.
But then, as I was looking at the posts I came across this picture:
And I immediately thought of the picture I had just posted earlier this week:
And I got mad at myself.
Really, really, really mad.
Because that sweet little boy has grown three years in my time with the Evil Company (EC) and I missed a lot of it because I spent my time angry about my job. I missed first days of school and Kindergarten recitals and parent/teacher conferences because of EC. I have been mad for the last three years, and you know what? That makes me mad! I missed so much of my babies childhood because of my situation.
And that day I vowed that I was done being mad. I know that this next year will be hard. I will be angry, I will be frustrated, I will feel unappreciated, I will cry. But I will not let it allow me to miss anymore of my children’s lives. No job I could ever hold will be more important that the one’s I already have, Christian, Wife and Mother.
With that said, I am SO stinking excited at the gigantic change that I am making right now. It is scary and nerve-wracking, but I know it is the correct choice, because I have no regrets of leaving EC. None, zero, zilch. I feel like I had to work at this place, I had to have these experiences, I needed them to grow as a person. But I also know that my time here is done. I have no reason to think this is a mistake. And I am ready to wake up again and start living my life, as a happy, joyful person.
But then, as I was looking at the posts I came across this picture:
And I immediately thought of the picture I had just posted earlier this week:
And I got mad at myself.
Really, really, really mad.
Because that sweet little boy has grown three years in my time with the Evil Company (EC) and I missed a lot of it because I spent my time angry about my job. I missed first days of school and Kindergarten recitals and parent/teacher conferences because of EC. I have been mad for the last three years, and you know what? That makes me mad! I missed so much of my babies childhood because of my situation.
And that day I vowed that I was done being mad. I know that this next year will be hard. I will be angry, I will be frustrated, I will feel unappreciated, I will cry. But I will not let it allow me to miss anymore of my children’s lives. No job I could ever hold will be more important that the one’s I already have, Christian, Wife and Mother.
With that said, I am SO stinking excited at the gigantic change that I am making right now. It is scary and nerve-wracking, but I know it is the correct choice, because I have no regrets of leaving EC. None, zero, zilch. I feel like I had to work at this place, I had to have these experiences, I needed them to grow as a person. But I also know that my time here is done. I have no reason to think this is a mistake. And I am ready to wake up again and start living my life, as a happy, joyful person.
Monday, July 07, 2008
On growing up
This weekend I made the 4 hours one way and then 4 hours back trip to ACU in order to drop my 9 year old daughter off at church camp. Her real first sleep away camp. I was a bit of a mess. Mostly because she wasn’t. She had spent the week prior in New Mexico with her grandparents, having a great time, apparently behaving like an angel- with occasional attitude and she had only arrived home the day before I made the trip to take her to camp.
She was SO excited. Wearing her brand new High School Musical dress that Memaw had bought for her at the Disney Stores annual “It’s so cheep, we pay you to take it” Sale. She was so adorable in it and looked like such the little lady. And honestly, excited does not give justice to what she was. She was just plain thrilled. When we saw the first sign that said “Abilene” she squealed. Literally, like a pre-teen at a New Kids on the Block concert. Not that I would know anything about that, at all.
Anyhoo.
We made the drive up with her brother in the backseat playing Mario Games the entire way, complaining about the length of the trip about once every hour. Once we arrived, she checked in, got her room assignment and off we went to unpack the car. After hauling two suitcases up to the third floor she went looking around while I made her bed. It was like I was in some sort of weird Freaky Friday moment, only I was the mother this time. I remember doing the same thing to my mother; only she was dropping me off for college.
When she came back 15 minutes later she tried shoving me and her younger brother out the door, but I insisted that we stay until she was completely unpacked and moved into that college dorm room. (And that part I am not even exaggerating about. They stay in college dorm rooms!) After she was entirely unpacked I tried to get her to walk around the campus with me and her brother, to get a feel for the place, but she simply shoved me out the door and said, “See you on Friday!”
Jacob and I made our way down the 2 flights of stairs, went and paid for the picture package we ordered and got into the car and left.
Just like that.
It was so dramatic…. in my mind.
I am sure she is having a fantastic time and I can’t wait to hear all about it on Friday.
But I have found that I am having quite a time letting her go this time. I have been leaving her for weeks at a time since she was 6 months old, but I have always left her with family. With any camp environment, I have been with her, as the leader and even then it was only for one nighters. But this, this is so big. No contact for an entire week. No family members there to keep an eye on her. The freedom she will have is like none she has ever tasted.
And what funny is that I am not worried about her. I know that she is perfectly safe. I know that she will be accounted for more times than I will ever know. I know she will have a great time, making new friends and learning all sorts of things. But the thing that I am having the most trouble with is the letting go. It is so, so very hard. I want so much to be by her side when she is making those friends and learning those things. But I can’t be. And I don’t really want to be. Because I know that I am who I am because my parents dropped me off at camp and left when I kicked them out the door. I made my way just fine, and I know she will too. I just know how much I grew as a person and as a Christian at those camps and I am sad and selfish that I won’t be there to witness it. I just have to be ok with it. And that is so very hard.
I know she is going to come home a completely different young lady that who I dropped off, and I can’t hardly wait to meet her!
She was SO excited. Wearing her brand new High School Musical dress that Memaw had bought for her at the Disney Stores annual “It’s so cheep, we pay you to take it” Sale. She was so adorable in it and looked like such the little lady. And honestly, excited does not give justice to what she was. She was just plain thrilled. When we saw the first sign that said “Abilene” she squealed. Literally, like a pre-teen at a New Kids on the Block concert. Not that I would know anything about that, at all.
Anyhoo.
We made the drive up with her brother in the backseat playing Mario Games the entire way, complaining about the length of the trip about once every hour. Once we arrived, she checked in, got her room assignment and off we went to unpack the car. After hauling two suitcases up to the third floor she went looking around while I made her bed. It was like I was in some sort of weird Freaky Friday moment, only I was the mother this time. I remember doing the same thing to my mother; only she was dropping me off for college.
When she came back 15 minutes later she tried shoving me and her younger brother out the door, but I insisted that we stay until she was completely unpacked and moved into that college dorm room. (And that part I am not even exaggerating about. They stay in college dorm rooms!) After she was entirely unpacked I tried to get her to walk around the campus with me and her brother, to get a feel for the place, but she simply shoved me out the door and said, “See you on Friday!”
Jacob and I made our way down the 2 flights of stairs, went and paid for the picture package we ordered and got into the car and left.
Just like that.
It was so dramatic…. in my mind.
I am sure she is having a fantastic time and I can’t wait to hear all about it on Friday.
But I have found that I am having quite a time letting her go this time. I have been leaving her for weeks at a time since she was 6 months old, but I have always left her with family. With any camp environment, I have been with her, as the leader and even then it was only for one nighters. But this, this is so big. No contact for an entire week. No family members there to keep an eye on her. The freedom she will have is like none she has ever tasted.
And what funny is that I am not worried about her. I know that she is perfectly safe. I know that she will be accounted for more times than I will ever know. I know she will have a great time, making new friends and learning all sorts of things. But the thing that I am having the most trouble with is the letting go. It is so, so very hard. I want so much to be by her side when she is making those friends and learning those things. But I can’t be. And I don’t really want to be. Because I know that I am who I am because my parents dropped me off at camp and left when I kicked them out the door. I made my way just fine, and I know she will too. I just know how much I grew as a person and as a Christian at those camps and I am sad and selfish that I won’t be there to witness it. I just have to be ok with it. And that is so very hard.
I know she is going to come home a completely different young lady that who I dropped off, and I can’t hardly wait to meet her!
Friday, April 04, 2008
Are you in there?
Something odd happened to me this weekend. I caught a glimpse of who I once was in the mirror of the church bathroom on Sunday morning. And I liked her a whole lot more than the girl I have turned into in the last two and a half years. I was happy, hopeful and ready to grab life and jump in. A feeling I haven’t had in ages. When I was out talking with folks Saturday morning, I did so with confidence and authority. I sure sounded good, I thought. And I felt alive, and it felt good.
For years now I have simply been chugging along. Just doing what had to be done. Not really happy with anything. Things have been rough. When I tried to make changes last fall and it didn’t happen, I felt horrible. I felt like a huge loser. I knew I wasn’t, deep down, but after a while of hearing it from different people and in different situations you simply begin to believe it. And that is tough. It was a rough winter, at work things were rough, at home the kids were rough, I just didn’t want to deal with anything anymore.
But I persevered. I knew I wanted to make changes, but it was a slow go. This year, I have been trying to change my attitude, but I have been trying to do so in my own way. And really, don’t we all know that doesn’t work. And the horrible week I had last week, paired with the events I attended on Saturday I was forced to turn it all over. And I did with such a desire to change myself and the situation I am currently in and I think I am on the way to becoming that person that I once was and want to be more like today. (Whew! That was a run on, wasn’t it?) And I owe that all to the Lord. He gave me that glimpse of myself in the mirror of the ladies restroom at church on Sunday morning. He let me see that she was still alive and well, buried deep inside me fighting her way to come out. So now I am fighting for her. I am deciding to have fun again, rather than sitting inside alone, I am outside, almost craving the outside. Or if I am inside I am not in front of the TV, I am trying desperately how to learn Photoshop or reading with the kids. I am allowing myself to be ok with me. And I like it.
For years now I have simply been chugging along. Just doing what had to be done. Not really happy with anything. Things have been rough. When I tried to make changes last fall and it didn’t happen, I felt horrible. I felt like a huge loser. I knew I wasn’t, deep down, but after a while of hearing it from different people and in different situations you simply begin to believe it. And that is tough. It was a rough winter, at work things were rough, at home the kids were rough, I just didn’t want to deal with anything anymore.
But I persevered. I knew I wanted to make changes, but it was a slow go. This year, I have been trying to change my attitude, but I have been trying to do so in my own way. And really, don’t we all know that doesn’t work. And the horrible week I had last week, paired with the events I attended on Saturday I was forced to turn it all over. And I did with such a desire to change myself and the situation I am currently in and I think I am on the way to becoming that person that I once was and want to be more like today. (Whew! That was a run on, wasn’t it?) And I owe that all to the Lord. He gave me that glimpse of myself in the mirror of the ladies restroom at church on Sunday morning. He let me see that she was still alive and well, buried deep inside me fighting her way to come out. So now I am fighting for her. I am deciding to have fun again, rather than sitting inside alone, I am outside, almost craving the outside. Or if I am inside I am not in front of the TV, I am trying desperately how to learn Photoshop or reading with the kids. I am allowing myself to be ok with me. And I like it.
Friday, March 28, 2008
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for the saints. Philippians 6:12-18
I opened my Bible this morning at work and this was the scripture I laid my eyes upon. It was a moment sent straight from the Lord. This week has been one of the most emotionally trying times of my entire life. The place where I spend 9 hours a day has begun to attack me. I have spent more time on my knees this week crying my prayers of patience, wisdom and restraint the last three days than I believe I ever have in such a short period of time. The Lord has been good to me. I believe I will rise from this situation with a clearer head and a gratefulness for the time that I didn’t think I could ever have. I think that this situation clarified a lot about myself and those around me. It was an eye opening situation that in hindsight I am glad happened. Even in the moment, I knew it needed to happen. Things NEEDED to be said. And being placed in this situation I was allowed to be me and encouraged to stand up for myself and lay everything on the table. And I was able to do it because I had spent those hours upon hours in prayer to the Lord.
As difficult a time it was for me and as truly mentally and physically exhausted I was at the end of each day, it was worth it.
I opened my Bible this morning at work and this was the scripture I laid my eyes upon. It was a moment sent straight from the Lord. This week has been one of the most emotionally trying times of my entire life. The place where I spend 9 hours a day has begun to attack me. I have spent more time on my knees this week crying my prayers of patience, wisdom and restraint the last three days than I believe I ever have in such a short period of time. The Lord has been good to me. I believe I will rise from this situation with a clearer head and a gratefulness for the time that I didn’t think I could ever have. I think that this situation clarified a lot about myself and those around me. It was an eye opening situation that in hindsight I am glad happened. Even in the moment, I knew it needed to happen. Things NEEDED to be said. And being placed in this situation I was allowed to be me and encouraged to stand up for myself and lay everything on the table. And I was able to do it because I had spent those hours upon hours in prayer to the Lord.
As difficult a time it was for me and as truly mentally and physically exhausted I was at the end of each day, it was worth it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
