Where did I go wrong? Why are my mistakes affecting her? It is not fair to her that I had her under the circumstances that I did. She is not to blame for my mistakes, yet she is the one who feels the pain and carries the burden, as we are learning how to parent. All of our mistakes with parenting have been with her, I want nothing more than to stay home with her and allow her to grow into the wonderful young lady that I know she can be. I want to grab my family and move to the country where hard work is required and fun is chasing lightening bugs. Where cable TV is a thing of the past and imagination grows with the fields. I hurt so much for her at this very moment, and I don’t know how to make things better. I need to be there for her more, but I haven’t figured out how to do that yet. I am trying desperately to make it through the end of the year, and then, maybe I can stay home with her and attempt to make up for the last 8 years and try to be the mommy that I can only hope and pray that I can be. I know we could do better, but I now know that we have to do better or we will be in a heap of hurt. I want nothing more that for her to have the most perfect childhood, and so far she has had an extremely difficult one. I hate myself for not doing better, for not being better and for failing to raise my daughter in the way I know she should be raised. I can only hope that the next two months can go by quickly and that changes can be made in our hearts and our minds to enable us to raise our children the way God wanted them to be raised. I want so much to be able to mold her into a lovely young lady that is pleasant to be around, who knows how to deal with her anger and is a pleasure. I don’t have time to raise her now. Sacrifices are going to have to be made in order to do things the way they need to be done. It may mean no more eating out and no more spur of the moment movie trips, but we can make fun and enjoy each other and learn to be a kid again before it is too late. We have to stop her in her tracks and ensure that what is best for her is happening. It may mean me leaving my job, being home when she gets home from school and reconnecting with her in a way that I haven’t been able to do for years. I don’t think I just want it anymore, I think our family needs it.

HELP!!!!!

I think my labtop crashed!

My pictures!!!!

UPDATE:
I think I may have most of my pictures emailed to myself just not in my flickr account, which will be great, but the home computer is dead, I do beleive.

It has been acting funny the last couple of days and I brought it to work today to download pictures from this weekend, and to start saving all my pic to a flash drive, but it appears that I will not be given the chance. I know I lost some Girl Scout pictures, and possibly some from a long time ago, but I can't remember when I bought the camera, so I don't know how long ago to look for. I have pictures from my trip to Kentucky summer of 2005, but not much before that.

Man oh Man.

10 years

It was a cool but sunny Wednesday afternoon in Lubbock, TX and I had accompanied Lori and Carmen to dinner in the cafeteria at Lubbock Christian University. Once we were finished eating we needed to head over to the boy’s dorm to pick up Lori’s boyfriend Allen (who was making some kind of health shake in his room) to go to church. As we were waiting, we were goofing off in the lobby of the boys dorm, talking about Halloween the next night. This guy that I knew from Pine Springs summer camp, Josh, was working the desk of the dorm and agreed to take Lori, Carmen and myself trick-or-treating the next night. After the Halloween plans were made I started playing “Speed” with Josh as we continued to wait. Allen was taking an incredibly long time to make that stupid shake. I remember being annoyed at first with the length of time he was taking. My goodness, it is a shake, how long does it take?!? When Allen finally came down from his room ready to leave for church I decided to stay and continue playing card with Josh. I had a class with him (Math-and he flirted with every girl in that class but me Thank you very much) and I knew him from camp at Pine Springs years ago. So we continued to play speed until we grew bored with the game and decide to watch “Young Guns II.” By the end of the movie we were smitten. We ended up holding hands and going for a walk around the campus. We made our way to the benches outside the Education building where we shared our first kiss.

Now don’t think I just saw an opportunity and took it, he may have, but me? No, I had been eyeing him in the weeks prior to this, thinking that he was quite fetching and quite a ham.

The next day he took the three of us trick-or-treating. I dressed as a scarecrow, Lori as a mime, Josh as a werewolf and, well, I don’t remember what Carmen dressed up as. So we went trick or treating and had a great time. I don’t think I had been in a few years and had a great time. We got a few “looks” but had fun none the less. Now earlier in the day during our Math class I had been discussing “Romeo and Juliet” and how much I wanted to see the flick as it was opening that Friday night. Josh gave me a hard time about it in the classroom, but on the walk back to the dorm he asked if he could take me to see the movie. Of course, I said yes. The next night I dressed in my best jeans, a white shirt, my new kicking boots and a wonderful sweater (I owned that sweater for years, not allowing myself to part with it. I am not even sure I have parted with it.) I looked HOT! Now, Josh on the other hand, still needed some help in the “dress to impress” category. He wore white pants(!) and a white shirt and a green silk jacket with a zipper. Was it 1984? If he hadn’t been such a gentleman I probably would not have forgiven him for the outfit. He still sees nothing wrong with the clothes he chose to wear, but I got rid of that green silk jacket thing as soon as possible once we were married. We enjoyed the show and I don’t remember if we got dinner or not that night.

On Saturday we had signed up for Chap-A-Kid, a program where underprivileged kids got to come over to the campus and watch a movie and eat hotdogs. Before we went to pick up our “kid” we went to Fuddruckers and still consider this to be one of “our” restaurants. Especially the one in Lubbock. We ate at Fuddruckers dozens of times in the 2 years we lived there. Anyhow…We had the cutest little boy and enjoyed our time together watching the movie and eating cold hotdogs in the SUB. The poor child asked if we could pick him up a Burger King kids meal on the way home so that he could eat it for lunch the next day. Heartbreaking! He called Josh for a few weeks, then he stopped calling. I often wonder what happened to that young boy, he would have to be 17 or 18 by now.

So that is it, our story. How the Sumpters became the Sumpters.

I got nothing

We have had a fairly regular couple of days here. Emily got in trouble at school yesterday for hitting (twice in one month-UGH) and Jacob got in trouble for messing with the timer on the oven while it was on. Nobody had brownies last night.

This weekend, we have a very uneventful time planned; comp aired to the last couple. We have soccer, cheer, pumpkin patch and well, that’s it. Sunday we have the fall festival at church-but also, that’s it. So I am looking forward to catching up on laundry, cleaning out the summer clothes and weeding out the two small winter clothes, as it may have decided to become cold enough to at least wear pants to school. It is warm by 3, but the mornings are extra chilly.

Today is day 32 with no/limited tv time for the kids. They don’t seem to miss it too much, only on the weekends. We caved a little bit and they watched a movie last Friday and 1 hour of cartoons on Disney on Sunday. I think that maybe the compromise the come to. Choose a movie and that’s it or 2 half hour shows. Emily’s attitude is improving, she still has a hard time in the mornings, but we all do. She doesn’t want to take a bath when she wakes up, but she doesn’t want to take a bath at night either. And with her need to read 2o minutes a day for homework by the time I get home, cook dinner, clean up, bathe Jacob it is usually time fro bed. We are going to have to figure out a different system.

We are trying to save for a vacation to Disney World we want to try and go right before Christmas, BUT that may not happen. If not we are looking at Spring Break. There are a few factors that may keep us from going in December. One being flights. I will have two free tickets, but there are four people in our family. If I could get a $49 flight that would be ok, but I can’t. It will cost almost $1,000 extra just for 2 flights. That is the major one, second is we can’t book any of it until almost right before we would go. Timing and whatnot. So it maybe Spring before we go, but Josh and I are excited about the idea. We have not told the kids, as to not get them hyped about it if it doesn’t happen. Anyhow… I think the kids are old enough to enjoy it and Jacob can ride all but 1 ride!! The Rockin Roller Coaster, which I don’t know if I would like him to ride anyway! It is an AWESOME ride as an adult, I mean you go from 0-60 with the force of a super sonic F-14. Cool for me, not so much for my skinny little man.
So I guess I did have plenty to say and didn’t know it… who knew?

The Cake

I can’t believe I forgot to mention this:

I made a cake from scratch today!!! And it was good!!!

My office has its annual Thanksgiving Luncheon with a dessert contest. The prize is a one paid day off. So I am all about that!! Last year I entered my pumpkin cheesecake and didn’t crack the top three. Boooo!!!! So this year I am out to win! I attempted a new recipe on Saturday that was supposed to be THE best dessert recipe EVER! So I tried it. It had some flaws (too much vanilla in the icing and the pecans where too much for me, I may have to figure out how to get the flavor without the nut), some personal changes I will make, but over all it was good. So next time, with my changes made, it will be AWESOME!!!! I am so excited. So I had Josh take the rest of the cake to work, as we don’t need a two layer cake with frosting which has 2 sticks of butter in it sitting around our house.
But I made a cake AND icing from scratch!!! I may not be able to make a lasagna, but I can bake with the best of them. I only want to win this one contest. Just one. Banana pudding has won two years in a row. Lets hope my Hummingbird Cake can break the cycle!!!

Busy Weekend

This was a busy weekend for us.
Friday night my dear friend Amy and I went out for a night on the town. The plan was to go to a movie but Austin traffic decided that we should miss the movie and just hang out. We grabbed some dinner at Village Inn and spent her birthday gift certificate at Kohls. We had a great time. Our main goal was to get her mind off her big performance at The Cross Festival, as the comic and MC on the main stage. While we were out Josh watched all four kids. He is amazing. He completly set the whole evening up, offering to watch the kids. He took this picture of the kiddos, the one and only picture we have of all four kids together, it is a shame really...


Look how cute, Mackenzie is snuggling with Jacob. Awwwww!

On Saturday we had tons of stuff going on. Jacob had a soccer game at 8am on Saturday (they lost 6-2) and Emily had to cheer at a football game at 11am PLUS we had a girl scout meeting at 10am. So Josh "got" to run around alot Saturday morning. He even mowed and edged the front and back yard in between games.
Here is a picture of Emily doing her cheerleading stuff, Josh took video, but I have to figure all that out before I can post it. I am going to try--but no promises. The uniforms were not in yet, so they wore their practice shirts. Emily had fun, but didn't realize how much work was actually involved. Josh said she was asking every couple of minutes what time it was and how much time was left before they were done.



*************************************************************************************

Oreo went to the vet and had a horrible bladder infection. We have to give him medicine twice daily to help him. Thank goodness it is a liquid and he takes it better than a pill, but he still gets all crazy when he sees us coming at him with the dropper. He is still peeing everywhere, but he has been going more in the box again, which I take as a good sign. I just hate that he doesn't feel good, he is such a wonderful kitty.

Oreo the kitty

My kitty is sick. I am so sad. Josh is taking him to the vet this morning, but I am very scared. I love my Oreo and I hope he is ok. As you may remember he has not had an easy life, but he is SO good with the kids and is such as easy going kitty.

Ice Cream Sandwiches

On Monday night I was on the phone with my mom talking about nothing I can remember frantically putting the last minute touches onto Amy’s birthday present. I was home alone with Jacob as Emily was at cheer practice and Josh had gone straight from work to the YMCA to pick her up. When we arrived home I told Jacob he could have 1 ice cream sandwich, I got on the phone and went into the other room to “finish” my work. After about 15 minutes I realize that he is super quiet. Now the boy LOVES ice cream. He can eat an ice cream sandwich in about 3 minutes flat. So when I had not seen him in quite a bit more time than that I walked back into the kitchen to find him with ice cream in hand. Knowing full well that this was not his first I made him throw the remainder away ands go to his room. ARGH! But the next morning he gets up from bed in his little underwear and walks to the kitchen for some “breakfast” and helps himself to another ice cream sandwich. But he knows what he is doing this time. He stuffs it down his underwear and heads to his room!!

Josh saw him and removed the ice cream and sent him into the kitchen for some cereal.
Only my child would put ice cream down his underwear!

Photography

I would love to have an ounce of photographic skills. This is something that has always interested me, but I just have always fallen short. I have never taken a class, I have never owned a REALLY good camera, in fact the one I have now is horrible, and I found one I want to replace it with, but it is a couple of hundred dollars, maybe for Christmas and birthday--- who knows. Anyways, I digress. While I was in Little Rock last week by myself for work. No kids in tow, nobody pulling on the camera as soon as the picture is snapped to “see” it. So I went down by the presidential museum on the one day that was not 40 degrees below freezing, me without a jacket, and thought I have my work camera, time and a semi-sunny day. Let’s see what comes of it. Nothing. I suck. I can not take a good photo on purpose for the life of me. I guess I will just have to appreciate good photography from a distance and continue with the semi-focused, wrong angled photos I take of my family.
Here is the proof:







And these are the halfway decent, non-emabarrasing ones.

Oh well, maybe something will be my calling, becasue photography is SO not.

Quilting Square

So a while ago I mentioned the quilting square that my Mamagrand made. Well I have it and it is now framed and beautiful!!! I love it! Here are some before and after pictures of the wall I put it on. I am not sure if I am completely done, but I love the square. It is now the center piece -but now I feel like I am missing something, I am not sure what... And I am sorry for the poor quality of the pictures, but I could never get a real good and clear one.

Before


After


The poor picture quality just doesn't show how wonderfully beautiful the square is, I am going to attempt to take another picture because I truly believe this may be one of my most prized possessions now. It is right up there with the kids, the wedding pictures and my jewelry. I LOVE it!! Thank you Mamagrand!!!!

Awwww babies

Sometimes it is so hard to believe how old my kiddos are. They are almost 8 and 5! It seems only like yesterday that they were itty bitty babies!!!

Here they are:

Emily



Jacob

What's in a name? and a TV update

Jacob is wondering around the room, attempting to procrastinate the impending bath which is headed his way when he starts to discuss his name with me. As I sit in the chair listening to him spell his name out again and again (J….A….C……O……B) he declares that sometimes he likes to be called “Jake.”

I reply to him, “Really? Would you like to be called Jake?” Knowing his father is going to have a fit about it.

“Yes, sometimes”

“Well do you like Jake or Jacob?”

“I like Jake, because it is like Jacob! Or Up, You know…..Jake Up”

At this point I am in a fit of giggles at the logic of my fantastic 5-year-old son. Of course, it would have to be Jake or Up. Those are the only two that make up his name.

Boy, do I love his craziness.

On a side note I have “made a deal” with Emily regarding her television time. She was very honest with Mrs. Ann about how long she cannot watch TV, even when her father and I forgot to tell Mrs. Ann of the added time. If she comes home tonight and cleans her room AND keeps it clean through the weekend I will knock a week off the punishment. I think the whole no TV thing has gotten through to her; I think she is finally getting it. And unfortunately, TV is the one thing she seems to “miss” the most when it is gone. But on that same note, she doesn’t seem to miss the cartoons as much as just the sitting and vegging out. So we have to conquer that next. I do think when we bring back TV there will be some strict rules enforced as to how much and exactly what it is she is watching.
Today is Day 14 of no TV and she is already a much more pleasant person to be around. I think we will still stand firm on the whole month of October, but she maybe able to earn some of her most recent punishment back. As long as the lying, and back talking stop we will continue to allow her to earn back the time she lost last weekend. She has been mostly pleasant and sweet this week, except for the occasional 7-year-old outburst, that we expect. We just don’t appreciate the 17-year-old outbursts.

Art Night/Book Fair

So last night was the Art Night/Book Fair at the kids school. I was not sure what Art Night was, but my mom left the kids money to use at the book fair so off we went. The book fair was a succsess. Emily was disapointed at first becasue they didn't have one of her wish list books anymore but we found "Super Fly Guy" which is by the same author as "Parts" "More Parts" and others that she LOVES!!! So she was thrilled when I showed it to her, becasue it doesn't look like a book she would have ever picked up, but as it sat there on the shelf, I couldn't help but pick it up. The cover was shiny, and I like shiny. So books AND bookmarks were bought with Memmaws book fair money, mom picked up the tax and off we went to Art Night. Here is a picture of the books that were purchased:



Art night is the cafeteria full oif paper, crayons, markers, finger paint, chalk and string art. WOW, what a mess. We didn't stay nearly as long as they wanted, but I have a cold and I wanted to go home. Here is the product of Art Night:



We went home home and had "dinner" Here is Jacob eating his dinner:



Yes, those are pop-tarts. He is so picky, and I think he is tired of nuggets and rolled tacos. All he wants to eat is cheese for dinner, and I won't let him only eat cheese.

Here is what should be a familiar site to my parents minus the Spagetti-o's. I never was much of a fan.


I haven't been able to get her to put those books down all evening and again this morning. Which isn'ta horrible thing, I suppose. She loved "Super Fly Guy" and it is a chapter book, and she read it to me and Jacob last night. It was a great time.

Weekend Update II

We arrived in Marble Falls, were the retreat was taking place and unloaded our stuff and were put into boys and girls cabins! How funny. I had not even thought about how we were all going to sleep. It was so funny. It was SO HOT!!! I could not believe how much I sweat on Saturday. The kids got in the water and swam, and kyaked and rode on an intertube behind a jet ski. The had a lot of fun in the water. Jacob tried a s'more and decided he liked them, just with out the marshmellow cooked. So he likes his s'mores the way he likes his brocoli. Here are some pictures. I tried to get some good ones, but when they are in the water, it is hard.

Here is Emily and Jacob in the part of the lake that had a "floor" they could feel.


Here is Jacob and his little friend Emily Ann in the same pool.


Here is Emily coming down the big slide. Jacob wouldn't come down at all, and Emily only would do it once. This is the only picture I got. You can kinda see her head--sort of.


And this was the "Gloob" you would jump onto it and then move to the end. Then a different person would jump on to it and launch the first person off and into the lake. I don't know who this person it, but it was so much fun and quite amazing to watch. Jacob thought he wanted to do it, but once he got to the top he changed his mind.


Over all it was a fun trip. Emily got into some trouble and can not watch TV until her birthday in December. I will blog about that at a later time. But the kids were decent and everybody had fun. I can not wait until the next one.

Long Weekend Update

We had a great couple of days. My folks came into town late Wednesday night. I meet up with them on Thursday afternoon and hung out until the kids came home from school. After that PePaw took the kids to go treasure hunting and mom and I went and took my quilting square from my Mamagrand to get ramed in the frame my daddygrand made with glass. It will be ready on Thursay--I can hardly wait! We ate at Chuk-e-Cheese. Yum! Or Not! On Friday Josh and my dad played golf and mom and I went to visit the school and went shopping. I loved being able to hang with my mom without the kids or the boys. I don't know when the last time that happened, maybe before we even moved to Austin. After the kids got home we got all dressed for pictures and went to the mall for our yearly pictures! They came out so cute! I need to scan them, becasue I can't seem to get them off the website, something about copyrights and what not.

On Saturday Jacob had his very first soccer game! He played and had a great time! He was goalie and let the first goal be scored, but he had fun. Here are some pictures of Jacob.
Here he is sitting in the car, ready to go!!


Here is Jacob being coached as goalie: first by the coach and second my Emily.



She was telling him "You can catch the ball with your hands when you are the goalie!!" She wanted so much to help him do well.

After the soccer game we went on the family retreat, but I will post about that in a bit. I need to get to work.